Awake My Soul
by Wildz2728
Summary: Nepeta witnesses Gamzee murdering Equius, and she attacks Gamzee. She believes she will die as well, and in the comic she did. However, in this fanfiction she doesn't, because she is saved. Will it even make a difference though, after having witnessed the murder of her moirail? One-shot, for now.


**A/N: Sorry for not writing anything lately. To make up for it, here's something I wrote a year ago and am just now uploading. I planned to continue it, but lost interest in it so now it's just a one-shot. If anyone wants me to write more, then I might!**

Nepeta was crouched in the vent, watching with wide eyes as Equius, her moirail, confronted Gamzee. The normally passive highblood had a twisted look on his face, and his eyes would sometimes darken from yellow to orange. Gamzee commanded Equius to kneel, and when her moirail refused, he shot one of Equius's own arrows at him. The cat-girl whimpered as she saw the arrow pierce through his leg. Her friend fell onto one knee, and he was completely helpless as Gamzee stalked toward him. Nepeta was paralyzed with terror; unable to do anything but crouch there and watch.

It all happened so quickly. Gamzee snapped the bow as he walked toward Equius, and uses the string to start strangling Equius. Her moirail's face began turning blue from a lack of oxygen, and then he fell to the ground. It took a moment for Nepeta to register that Equius was dead. Her moirail, her closest friend, the troll that she trusted the most, was dead. Instead of letting grief overtake her, she felt herself becoming angry. How _dare _Gamzee kill her best friend? Nepeta didn't care that, according to the laws of Alternia, it was his right as a highblood. The whole idea of one troll being better than another because of blood color was so stupid! Nothing could justify what Gamzee had done. Gamzee had murdered his own friend for no reason/

The feline-like troll couldn't think properly. All she felt was a burning rage at what Gamzee had done. Nepeta let out a feral hiss as she launched herself out of the vent. Her arms were outstretched so she could slash the crazed clown with her claws. What she wasn't expecting was for his hand to shoot out and grab her wrist. She cried out at his crushing grip on her wrist, and heard a crack as he broke her wrist. He dragged her hand accross his face, causing her claws to leave three long gashes on his face, and she felt a piercing pain shoot through her arm.

Gamzee released the olive-blood, and she fell to the ground. Her rage had subsided, and all that was left was pure terror. The most primal parts of her brain were screaming at her to run. So run she did. She scrambled to her feet and began running as fast as she could. She ignored the pain of her wrist and focused only on survival. She skidded to a halt and lost her balance as she reached a dead end. She pressed herself against the wall and bared her teeth at the highblood. He just smirked at her as he sauntered towards her while swinging his clubs. Her eyes widened as she realized that he intended to beat her to death.

"Gamzee... why?" Nepeta asked in a small and scared voice.

"Because it's my motherfucking destiny. ALL OF YOU NEED TO DIE. I will paint the walls with your blood," Gamzee answered, his voice switching from a normal volume to a shout. He chuckled at her terrified expression. "Ready to have some fun, cat-sis?"

Olive colored tears streamed down Nepeta's face. She was aware this was the end. She was powerless against Gamzee, and Equius, who would normally protect her, was dead. The only reassuring thought was that at least she would get to be with her moirail again. Equius was the troll that cared about how above all others, and althought he often thought her to be silly, he still appreciated her. She knew the others just saw her as the silly, immature cat-girl. She recalled the dismissive way that some of them would speak to her, especially Karkat. Would he, or anyone else, care when she was dead?

Gamzee raised one of his clubs and was ready to swing it down and hit her. But before he could, someone tackled him. The unsuspecting highblood let out a surprised honk as he crashed onto the floor. His grip on the clubs slackened, allowing her savior to grab them and throw them to the side. Nepeta looked up at her savior and was shocked. It was Karkat!

What surprised her even more was that Karkat allowed Gamzee to sit up, and he began shoosh-papping him., instead of fighting him. The thing that shocked her the most was that it appeared to be working. Gamzee's eyes faded back to yellow, and he embraced Karkat, who had a gentle expression and... a smile on his face! Right before her eyes, a new moirailship was formed. The cuteness of the moment was lost on her. Under different circumstances, she would feel excited about one of her ships finally happening, but all thoughts of shipping had left her mind. All that was left was grief and fear, and an emptiness that scared her.

Karkat turned to the crying, terrified girl and looked at her with pity. He briefly turned back to Gamzee and said, "Get your clown ass back to your room, and don't talk to anyone. Just stay in there." Gamzee surprisingly agreed and left the room without a second glance at Nepeta. Although Nepeta was glad to see him go, she felt annoyed that he could just walk away from this. She couldn't help but wish that Karkat wasn't pale for Gamzee. She wanted Gamzee dead, which surprised her. She had never wanted to kill someone before. But she knew she could never, ever forgive Gamzee. She truly felt that he deserved to die. A part of her also resented Karkat for still caring about Gamzee, despite what he had done. But she wouldn't let that feeling poison her. After all, Karkat was her friend, and he had saved her life. She looked up at Karkat and saw that he was watching her with a concerned expression.

Nepeta launched herself at Karkat and began sobbing into his shoulder. He didn't push her away, instead he wrapped his arms around her and stroked he head. After a few minutes, she calmed down a bit and pulled her head back. Karkat had an unusually gentle look on his face.

"Karkat..." she whispered. He had a sympathetic look on his face. She wasn't sure how to feel about that.

"I'm sorry about Equius," he said awkwardly. He seemed unsure about how to be comforting.

"It's not your fault," Nepeta replied quietly. Although.. he had been the one to send Equius after Gamzee. But as she looked at his confused and guilty face, she knew she couldn't blame him. Karkat hadn't known what would happen. Besides, he had saved her. "Thank you for saving me. I didn't think anyone would, especially not you."

"What is that supposed to mean? Why wouldn't I save you?" Karkat demanded, his voice losing some of the gentleness. Nepeta bit her lip and looked down, not wanting to meet Karkat's eyes. "Nepeta, answer my question." Nepeta slowly looked up and met Karkat's gaze.

"Because you don't like me! I know how annoying everyone thinks I am, especially you! I didn't think that you would even care that I was gone," Nepeta admitted. Karkat loooked shocked, and then mad. But his anger seemed to be directed at himself, rather than her.

"Look, Nepeta, I don't dislike you, okay? You're not that bad. I just.. I'm just an asshole. I suck at being a good friend. I really don't know why you like me. I didn't mean to make you think that I don't care about you, because, well, I do. I just don't show it," Karkat explained, looking embarrassed. His cheeks were the slightest bit red.

"Oh," Nepeta said in surprise. She didn't know what she should say to that. She supposed she should be happy that he was saying those things to her, but what did it matter? Equius was dead. Before, she would have been so happy that Karkat cared for her, but now she couldn't bring herself to feel anything about it.

"C'mon Nep, let's get you out of here," Karkat said. He stood up and held out his hand. Nepeta put her hand in his, and he pulled her up. She didn't let go of his hand, and he didn't make her. She wondered if he could tell that she needed to be holding onto something. She froze as she saw Equius's body. She was having a hard time accepting his death. It just seemed so unbelievable. What would she do without him? He was her anchor, her protector, her best friend. Trolls could fall in and out of matespritships and kissmesistudes easily, but once they found their perfect moirail, they never let them go. Moirails were so important to a troll.

"I'm so sorry, Nepeta. He didn't deserve to die," Karkat told her, breaking the silence. She nodded in response to that. There was nothing to be said, because he was right. Equius hadn't deserved to die. He was the best moirail ever. Karkat tugged on her hand, and she allowed him to lead her out of the room. As she cast one last look at the corpse of her best friend, she couldn't help but think that a part of her had died with him. She wasn't sure if she would ever feel whole again.

Karkat led her to his room. She had never been in it, and normally she would be excited, but she couldn't muster up any excitement. "I have to go check on Gamzee. You should stay in here, and try and get some sleep or something," Karkat said, sounding unsure. "I'll be back soon, alright? And I'll take a look at your wrist when I do." Nepeta nodded, although she wasn't sure how she felt about being left alone with her thoughts. Plus, when Equius had told her he would see her again, he had lied. How could she know that Karkat would come back?

Karkat must have seen something in her eyes, because he pulled her into a hug, being mindful of her injured wrist. He wasn't the type for physical affection, but maybe she looked so pitiful that he felt he had to hug her. She looked up into his eyes, and hoped that he would return.

"I promise I'll come back. I'm not going to leave you," he said in a low tone. He pulled back a little, and they just stood there for a moment, staring into each other's eyes. He looked like he wanted to say something else, but he changed his mind and pulled away from her. He gave her an encouraging smile, and then left the room.

Nepeta stood there, not knowing what to do or how to feel. She couldn't make sense of all these emotions. How was she supposed to accept Equius's death and move on with life? His death left a gaping hole in her heart. She thought of how he would never again scold her for her antics with that fondness in his voice, and he would never again smile at her attempts to pretend to be him. She wouldn't be able to give him advice on how to handle things with Aradia. He wouldn't be there to tell her that she shouldn't be sad over not having Karkat's affections, that she could do better than that. She would never again hear his voice, or feel his strong arms hug her gently.

Eventually the tears stopped, and Nepeta came to a realization. Karkat had saved her life, but she had lost something much more important. He might have been able to save her life, but she didn't think anyone could save her soul.

**A/N: Thanks for reading, and please review! Also, the title is from the song Awake My Soul by Mumford and Sons. **


End file.
